Written October 18 & 25, 2005

I'm not there for you anymore, was I ever?
I'm a shadow of doubt
You're doing everything on your own now
There is no making good on something that we didn't do

I've loved you all these years
You were the one I wanted to protect
But I only succeeded in hurting you deeper
And pushing you away further

I wasn't the rock that stood firm
I was the pebble that rippled the pond,
The boulder that made the waves
You carry on while I can't let go of the guilt

Every time I drive away it kills me
Like I'm abandoning you
I want to turn the car around to make sure you're okay
I don't want to keep leaving you

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Written October 18 & 25, 2005

Forgive me Father of all my sins
This is the worst place I've ever been
My flesh is unclean, my heart impure
It's all going to waste

This body houses a weak soul
And the blood in these veins flows thin
Coursing with hate
And I hate because I am what I hate
Running blind, feeling desperate
An unkempt love
A careless child

As our Father who loves all,
You stole from me
Broke my innocent heart
Drained my life's happiness

I forwent an ease into the unfamiliar
No blinders to hide behind
My life was no longer in order
Misery and desperation
Overtook love and youth
To fill and burst my tiny heart

You gave me no hand to hold,
No comfort, only pain
Robbed me blind and left my faith
Dangling on a frayed and unholy thread
A relationship unfounded, ungrounded
Unconditional love met with a child's hate

I want to turn my back, but I know I need you there
I hate while you love
Walk with me silently, there to guide me
I'll return to your grace one day