Written September 2, 2005

I want to run from myself
Exit my body, fly from this place
Slap myself in the face, spit on my soul
Kick and stomp my insufferable body
I want to scream at myself
Make myself bleed

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Written September 2, 2005

The end has come
I am shattered
Maybe I am as screwed up as you say
I belong in hell
Scattered among the demons below
I seem to be past the point of reconciliation
Past the point of righting the wrongs
Trusts were betrayed,
Lives were ruined,
All at my hand

I was too eager to spread my feelings,
To be unburdened
I didn't think of the consequences
Didn't think of anyone but myself
The burden was too much for those
Who unburdened me
I failed them, failed everyone
How could I be so blind as to think all
Would be fine, that my actions would
Have no consequences?
How could I have been so stupid?

And now I am all I have left
Blinded by hatred for myself
Burdened by all the pain I've caused
Craving numbness with every fiber of my being
But knowing I deserve nothing but the pain
The pain that reminds me that I'm alive
When I long not to be