Written October 8, 2005

Striving hard for approval is my meaning
Pacing, I wait for confirmation
I don't exist without your acceptance
With each step I falter
Tripping on my insecurities
Falling into my humiliation

Your expectations demand too much
Each disapproving glare cuts deep inside me
Bleed my hopes and dreams from me
I can't see clearly through this fog of requirement
You leave me with no room to grow
I long to be told that my best, my all, is enough

Each good deed goes unappreciated
While each failure is picked apart and thrown in my face
My longing to be good enough, to please you, shouldn't exist
It wears on me, spreads me thin
Freedom from your boundaries is what I need to survive

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Darkness all around
Comfort and warmth caress me gently
You reach for me with fingertips full of longing and aching desire
Slow and beautiful trespass

Warm lips dancing across my yearning skin
Put your lips to mine
I'll show you I'm ready

I want you to be a part of me
Feel you inside me
Build me up for a sweet release

Move with ease
Not eager for an end
Sweet dance caress me within

Nothing exists but the two of us
No thoughts only movement
Pure and natural
Desires of the flesh
Take from me what you will give in return

This is all I want to know
All that I live for
Pull me close
Sweet loving release
Our gift to each other
Beautiful and complete

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I'm going crazy right now
Let me out of this skin
I feel like I'm dying inside but I don't know how to say it
All of my thoughts are moving too fast; they've blended
I can't stand the sound of my own trite voice
My problems seem to be eating me alive
I half-heartedly claw my way back up
But I'm so willing to fall back down
Back into familiarity and self-defeat
I don't want my miniscule burdens to control me
It feels as though there is no light bright enough to shine through this darkness in me
No breath of fresh air to revive my seeping soul
I'm sucking the life out of myself searching for a safe place to within
A place to hide
Maybe if I find the place that hurts
I can hold it and turn it into pleasure
Surely I could turn it around
I could own it and regain control
Shut it out and never let it back in
I could find a way to free myself